An Eighth Shot of Espresso: Coffee and Creativity on Mum's Third Shift

Thoughts consuming  it is always too easy  to live just within  the confines of the mind  look for rational answers  logical connections  comparing prices checking sources over and over and over pushing back deadlines so much talk and  so much planning  that nothing actually  ever gets done But it's never your fault you just wanted  to get everything just right.

What do you do when you realize you're not enjoying  what  you do? I love to write. I've been writing since I was eight years old. Words gave me a way to express how I felt as a girl who was leaving friends behind. Forty-four years later, I still put my thoughts on paper or the screen. It's more than just a way of life. It  is  my life. I post my writing on my social media accounts. I have poetry blogs on Blogger and Wordpress. Over the years, I've met so many good friends and fellow writers through sharing my words. I appreciate every one who I've met. The support we give each other has carried me through some dark times of my life. For those who don't know, two of my three children are high-support autistic. Terminology and descriptors have changed in two decades, but my kids are unique in their own special ways. Although I love them, their care can be complicated and stressful, especially without outside help. That stress as a caregiver can bleed into other a...

Tomorrow  I will try  to take  better care  of myself  it means  no caffeine  cut back  on sugar  and exercise  right.  Get enough sleep try not to be too stressed out. Of course  I have made  this kind  of resolution  before.

The ring on my finger  does not  have a diamond  it is one that  I have picked for myself  not given to me that shows  my commitment  to my own  well being.

Don't try  to fill  idle time with activity:  your body  is telling you  to relax  take a break  just breathe  savor the moment don't rush let your mind stop its race to get everything done for just  one minute  before the chaos  of life  begins again

She had  everything planned  just so:  where her  daughter  would go to college  whom she  would marry  what career  she would take  an hour  to and from  and live at home  a doctor  or a lawyer  or be a doctor  herself  how lovely!  But her supposed  future was derailed:  by her own daughter

Too much to do  too little time  so many  appointments  the calendar  on the wall  the clock  is ticking away  the seconds  and the minutes  of a life without pause  no time to breathe  or pause and reflect  just keep on going because the days pass by faster and faster the older you get.

the geese are angry chase him from  the parking lot they're not to be crossed this is their turf never mind that they are the squatters like a squad of elite warriors patrol their territory and don't invade their space the borders tend to be flexible with the seasons you can lay siege to their castle and just stare at each other across an invisible line.

Love withdrawn  the bank is empty  checking spent on necessities savings drained on emergencies stocks are worthless all the accounts have nothing but interest  no longer accrues  so that you  have nothing left  to spend  and nothing  more to save but he demands more thinking you have it all.

cup of coffee  gone cold  forgotten  in the bustle  of life  and then  when it is  drunk  it sits bitter  in your mouth pastry half-eaten sits on a tiny plate crumbs  on the desk where the screen glows brightly and words refuse to flow.

whimsical humor  suppressed for years  I was too frivolous too loud and too obnoxious way too much for such a quiet and retiring personality there was too much to do bills to pay children to raise jobs to perform I learned not to laugh so loud or stand out in a crowd because that made him uncomfortable but now that more  than five decades have passed I've decided that  I am too old  to not enjoy life  and become  the person I was  meant to be

Dunkin Donuts holiday specials all prepared  so early  in the morning covered with sprinkles grab a couple with a cup of coffee for the morning commute into work Krispy Kreme  watch as they  make them by hand  travel down the conveyor belt stacked into boxes some drizzled with  glaze or covered with sprinkles  take a dozen home  still warm from the fryer

I drink both  tea and coffee Dual worlds  every time  I put on the kettle  or grind the beans  just like I put  malt vinegar  on my chips  and cheese  on my burger. I use the lift up and the elevator down My apartment has flat floors. Aluminium or aluminum that extra syllable confounds my friends an extra 'u' in 'favour' with so much flavor confusing for them and me.

she is bewildered:  who are these people  who visit her every day  they tell her their names  but why can she not recall  they are still strangers she puts down her phone but then cannot find it it's not where she left it the house is haunted bad spirits move things she asks the same questions gets the same answers I'm getting old, she laughs this happens to everyone you can't blame me for it. I got lost just one time road construction changes how everything looks nothing is how it  used to be. But don't you worry these episodes don't last I'm just fine and I don't need help I can take care of myself

Youthful optimism  a chance to change the world  find cures for old diseases meet new people  see a different outlook visit faraway places  blaze a new trail up a sacred mountain try odd cuisine strange flavors on  the tongue cherish the history of peoples all over learn from their mistakes to avoid strife in the future witness history as it unfolds in front of your eyes.   but like gold that tarnishes  and iron that rusts with time  shelve naive thoughts  for the world no longer  feels safe to explore.

he says he'll make adobo  looks up recipes  on the internet  instead of asking  his Filipina wife...  it's the thought that counts I guess but my ancestors  are screaming  in my ear  this isn't adobo  it's lo mein  with some  adobo seasoning  and I cry internally.

Crickets: they are loud in their silence. they say do what you love  and happiness will  come to you  I'm too old for  this popularity contest I'm not in junior high I don't need all this  justification for  my pen, my brush my worlds my characters my ideas but deep inside  I don't want to be  ignored.

They told us  go to college get a degree  and a good job buy a house have your own family and you will live the dream of a productive life  and only after then  think about what  you want...  well, Mum,  I did what you wanted. look at me  can you honestly  say that I am happy?

The prompt word is balderdash balderdash: senseless talk or writing; nonsense Just a strongly worded  disapproval  is balderdash  words carry weight  but action is what gives meaning  to principles  that are only  theoretical  at this point  to talk about nothing is a useless gesture an evil does not stop at a mere proclamation on a piece of paper or on a social network the question becomes:  what's really stopping you?

Why does a strong woman  means emasculation  for a certain type of man?  Is he so damn insecure  that he sees shadows  around every corner  and challenges to his fragile masculinity?  A book that proclaims that a man is the master of his destiny and the dominator of all creation is written by men. Is he so arrogant that he believes Nature will always bend to his will? I think we all know  the answer to that.