I Took a Week Off (Burnout is Real)

What do you do when you realize you're not enjoying what you do?

I love to write. I've been writing since I was eight years old. Words gave me a way to express how I felt as a girl who was leaving friends behind. Forty-four years later, I still put my thoughts on paper or the screen. It's more than just a way of life. It is my life.

I post my writing on my social media accounts. I have poetry blogs on Blogger and Wordpress. Over the years, I've met so many good friends and fellow writers through sharing my words. I appreciate every one who I've met. The support we give each other has carried me through some dark times of my life.

For those who don't know, two of my three children are high-support autistic. Terminology and descriptors have changed in two decades, but my kids are unique in their own special ways. Although I love them, their care can be complicated and stressful, especially without outside help. That stress as a caregiver can bleed into other areas of my life. My time to write tends to be limited. I fit it in whenever I can in between caring for my kids. That also means uninterrupted writing time can be quite the luxury.

When I don't post, my mind goes into overdrive. I worry about relevancy, whether or not my readers will forget I exist, how my posts are doing. I miss days, then end up in a scramble to catch up. I'm not writing for fun anymore; I'm just doing content. The panic seeps into my words, make my poetry sound darker, more bitter, and it's not as fun anymore. It feels more like a burden and a chore than a pleasure.

Of all things, I don't want my writing to become a chore.

How can I make it something I want to do again, not something I feel obligated to do?

So I took a break from posting. I still wrote, but I didn't look at metrics or likes or favorites. I went to the book store, the art store, took walks, played on my musical instruments. I played video games, let my mind wander, caught up on my sleep. I drank more water, ate more fruit, brainstormed more ideas.

Now I've come back with a clearer mind and new ideas.Whether or not those ideas will pan out remains to be seen. A part of me still frets over getting back into the daily grind, but the panic isn't as sharp or as overbearing as it was before. The concept of work-life balance sounds cliche at this point, but maybe the old Taoist Masters had a point. 

Maybe the storm of doubt and uncertainty seems to stretch on forever, but those clouds will eventually clear. Creativity can hit potholes in the road, but the joy of it will come back, if you let it rest once in a while.

~Sifa