An Eighth Shot of Espresso: Coffee and Creativity on Mum's Third Shift

She had  everything planned  just so:  where her  daughter  would go to college  whom she  would marry  what career  she would take  an hour  to and from  and live at home  a doctor  or a lawyer  or be a doctor  herself  how lovely!  But her supposed  future was derailed:  by her own daughter

I didn't mean  to ruin your fun he said. That is the way he means sorry, he said. You aren't a child and I know that he said. But if I can't be a part of it then you shouldn't either he said. It's for your own good and my comfort, he said.

Sharp arrows that pierce the skin if they aren't removed the poison festers. Small stilettos out of the darkness you don't realize the cuts till you bleed. Cutting words out of nowhere they sound like a joke you just laugh along Jagged pieces ripped and torn your ghost stare mournfully with shattered eyes.

I a lifetime of guilt why don't you ever visit  don't understand why II I am four years old read aloud for all your friends to make you feel good III. yearly spelling bee I do not want to practice others play outside IV. so a journalist travel to exotic lands? then take me with you! V. study hard, good grades then just help the family don't think of yourself VI. I have my own life "so do whatever you want! you are ungrateful!" VII. so you wonder why no one ever visits you do not understand

Time is short for us all they say that at  the end of the road you realize all the  dreams left unfulfilled words left unspoken people left unseen you race to achieve whatever can be done In the end some bridges lie long in ruins and cannot be rebuilt just because  you suddenly decide that you are desperate to close that gap before your time is done.

Sharing is not meant to be a competition I want to show you why certain things make me happy and maybe you can join in too. I didn't expect you to go all in and assume control try to tell me you know more in a few days than I know from doing it for years. I don't want you to feel like you must be better than me be more skilled more knowledgeable but that seems to be your nature. And your need to be right sucks all the joy right out of what I had loved before.

She had everything all planned out: doctor or lawyer Church every Sunday Living at home while going to college Marry a good man Have lots of grandchildren Live close by so she can visit whenever she wants. Had dreams of traveling to other places? "Take me with you! I want to see it too!" The perfect future one she could brag to all of her friends and the rest of the family the matriarch of them all and of course they would take care of her in her old age. So when they never call when her birthday rolls around and never drop by for milestones and holidays she curses their selfishness and wonders where she went wrong.

Nothing to it but to do it Talk is cheap action is what shows your true intentions. You can explain every step of the process in great detail it doesn't count if you just sit on your arse. Please don't lecture me as if I'm five and I'm so naive I cannot comprehend what is before me without your bounteous wisdom! I am not blind I am not deaf Don't treat me as if I'm an idiot. You want to make yourself clear not to be misunderstood by rambling on every detail But have you stopped to consider how the other person feels? Of course not you accuse others of insensitivity yet you do not take my feelings under account. It does not apply to you. So don't be surprised if I just nod and smile and listen with only half an brain I may be a captive audience but don't count on me respecting what you say when you insult my intelligence.

I can fix them just by the power of goodwill and suggestion. I know what's good for them I know how to solve all their problems. Just give me a chance I'll do a good job I can save them from themselves. It's my duty to fix the broken to comfort the unhappy and to make everything all right If there is a will there is a way and I know they have the will all they need is the way and I can give that. They just need motivation to move forward And the encouragement to change their ways of life and to better themselves We can lift them up to the light and if they save themselves they can thank me for giving them the courage.

Extra padding Going through and cutting through the fat Inflated statistics to make you look good. Obfuscate the truth and need to dig deep to see the reality. A salad of intelligent words nine or ten when only five should do A mess of sycophants when a handful of good friends will always have your back. See counts go down peace of mind go up See popularity dip and numbers shrink but lose the weight and fly free.

Yellow-stained rice vegetables, with too much spice smile and say the food is nice. Sit and listen well the stories he has to tell not a word edgewise in that hell. Tells you that you are wrong always the same song you just smile and nod along Pick up after him dreams and memories grow dim encouragement is so slim. Break the cycle and flee But one thing he can never see that is never was about me.