An Eighth Shot of Espresso: Coffee and Creativity on Mum's Third Shift

Raindrops quiver at the edge of clouds like tears being held back by pure force of will. The sun has abandoned the skies above for greener pastures and more cheerful views. Grey clouds as the seasons turn warmth chased out by cooler winds and life fades leaving grave markers behind. The veil between the worlds thins for just this one time look between time and space open your heart and mind. What secrets can you learn what knowledge can you acquire even as the night finally succumbs and cries in cold rain.

The miracle drink that helps me push through the day. Through the sniffles and the fatigue and the ringing on the phone. On a cold autumn morning when it is quiet and still contemplating over a single cup. The very aroma takes me back late nights grading papers. In a cafe watching the customers sketching their lives. It's 2 A.M the baby refuses to sleep it becomes a much-needed ally. Mug in hand I somehow work through this heavy fatigue Tonic of the Goddess locked in a handful of beans I depend on this kindness.

Quiet days perpetual coffee in warm mugs just me and my boy he keeps his spirits up even while he has a cough and the yucks but his smile always brightens my day. Not your typical young adult he sees the world with fresh eyes and is able to get around an electronic landscape he loves to draw and write his thoughts even when he has trouble putting them together. A toddler in an adult's body and days can be challenging but he has a good heart and he quietly keeps being himself.

The road to chaos is not smooth, of course it is bumpy unpaved and fraught with monsters. Days of detours bridges closed snowstorms cave ins sinkholes You can only carry only so many spare tires or jump so many batteries before your car decides to give up the ghost. Run down motels in the questionable part or town cheap food at the local greasy spoon barely enough to live on. Moods from the high highs to the low lows. A pendulum that swings without warning or concern. Happy laughter to frustrated screams that turn on a dime. You wonder how others manage the trip with smooth sailing when your own journey is fraught with anger and frustration.

Low stakes Low maintenance: "Don't worry about it. I'll take what you don't want." Always there Always dependable Willing to lend a helping hand Drop things at a moment's notice. The right words The right procedure People have to know We need a paper trail. Never rocking the boat Never do the unexpected A quiet life A peaceful existence. The day the mainstay collapses The day the support isn't there what will you do only then you feel the loss.

Chipping away at the old block In the Valley of Despair in the Shadow of Doubt. Can't go forward Can't go back thanks to this boulder in the way. If you look beneath the surface you see words chiseled there: you'll never be as good as them. The dying light highlights more text what's the use of it all you'll only fail. All I have is a single pencil the point blunted and flat chipping away at the stone. Suddenly a gift box lands at my feet. It's labeled "TNT for you and me." The sticks bear names written in gold the names of friends. I laugh and light them up they sparkle like candles on a rather forbidding cake. The sight is spectacular as the block crumbles away flung to the four corners of the world. The path is now clear going forward will not be easy there will be more rocks in the way. No one can surmount this alone sometimes you need a push or a box of explosives.

I'm starting on a blank canvas. Pristine, untouched prepared with loving hands. The brush touches the surface there's no going back. Flaws and perfection accident and true design evolving in the moment. Colors swirl and take shape forms appear before my eyes. I've learned to let the muse take hold and guide my hand. Plans never last longer than a fleeting moment. The bare bones in my mind's eye the details become clear at that very minute that very second. It all comes together without my conscious effort to get in the way.

"God doesn't give you more than He thinks you can handle." There are days where His confidence in me is sorely misplaced. If I had to describe my video game avatar I would use these words: overwhelmed underpowered and grossly mid-tier. My fairy godmother would shake her head and go: "Girl, you need a vacation or at least a few martinis at a beach resort somewhere." If I had a few more hours in the day or a few more lives through the years I just might be able to get things done then again I might not.

Get yourself out there Be consistent Interact with others Make connections Speak, write, comment Find your tribe Hone your craft Practice the rules then break them in a way that makes it all seem brand new. But it takes effort It takes patience It takes time. Laying the groundwork for something long term can be difficult heartbreaking frustrating No one seems to notice it seems that you are out there in a vacuum. Why do you do this? Is it worth reaching out only to find silence? How long does it take? Why should I make the first step? The instinct to withdraw to insulate from hurt is understandable. But to turn wish into reality is not an easy thing: close your eyes and leap.

Twice a year spring to autumn and back again the changing of the guard. Shorts and warm weather dresses packed away sweaters and jeans and jackets back in style. A year in review months of memories clothes that no longer fit in the bags for donation. Soft woolen sweaters comfortable jeans worn dependable hoodies sturdy soled boots Favorite time of the year when the weather cools down wrapped up in blankets turn on the fireplace. Pumpkins and turkeys fallen leaves and dried potpourri holiday lights and cinnamon candles welcome the dusk of the year.

Straight from summer into autumn from eighty nine to forty five the thermometer is confused. Winds blow under a perfect blue sky I need to auto defrost the windows of my car first time this season. Cold comes late or early depending on what you're used to break out the sweaters put away the tropical shirts. Order hot coffee cider and tea a drink to warm up the old bones and take away the shivers. My joints protest but I've always loved this time of year when the leaves turn color and the campfires burn bright.

Can't see the show? Watch it in the comfort of your own house. By yourself or with a friend Turn the lights down low volume as loud as you want pause the performance skip the parts you don't like And if you don't care for it go back and find one that better suits your tastes! No pesky cell phones no annoying audience chatter. An experience where you set the rules and enjoy in comfort. Did you like this? Find others similar to it you might stumble over a gem you never knew existed. Or change the tone a drama instead of a musical a documentary or a horror flick maybe the latest installment maybe the hidden cult classic. In any case don't worry about being disappointed or raging over the discourtesy of others in a communal viewing this is a tailor-made bundle for you alone!

Handcrafted each stitch tells a story each color shows emotion Shuttles whisper in firelight gnarled hands tease out the knots fringes combed out smooth. Hardly a lost art just not seen as much not as vital as it used to be. Quiet chatter in circles gossip and relationship advice old passing stories to the young. Can there be a revival of those long forgotten days different fabrics sewn whole again?

Work around the needs of others plan every minute keep an eye on the time Shuffle appointments unexpected phone calls it needs to be addressed right now. Explain that being flexible doesn't mean being able to drop what I'm doing immediately for them. Too much sacrifice thoughts on the back burner praise for due diligence scorn for not enough. Stay up at night the only time I am able to breathe deeply and be myself for once.

Thirty degrees between dawn and dusk Mercury soars to sink back down again. Breaths not constant from minute to minute A piece of joyous news to a tragic accident. Heartbeat irregular up a flight of stairs seeing a long awaited friend sitting at rest. Moods swing no food since this morning traffic backed up for miles a riotous hilarious joke. Spark of life uneven walk the floors between the nursery of new life and the hospice of the old.

My muse with clipped wings swings her brush from between the bars of her cage. Canvases steeped in darkness never to be seen by anyone in the light. An expression of madness caused by too many voices suddenly made silent fair weather friends. A scarred heart only half healed hidden away in order to not be hurt again. Her precious children dripping with hope and courage no longer for auction no longer for promotion. Perhaps if you are sincere and don't arrive just to leave again you can see their colors.

The turkey vulture stares at me sitting in the middle of the road hovering over its roadkill malice in its eyes daring me to inch even closer tires to the road. Most times they fly awayPoem this one did not. Defiance written beak snapped shut in complete disapproval. Two others stand on the sidewalk as if silently cheering on this rather odd standoff. In the middle of this rather pristine neighborhood a battle of wits is taking place. This is no squirrel darting in the middle of the road in a moment of suicidal impulse. It is deliberate defiant threatening. I don't want your lunch but I won't wait for your approval. Until finally it saunters off secure in its kingdom a victor in its mind and all I feel is bemusement.

Scribbles on paper marks on a screen backlit by white letters in black Arranged by date title and draft art in jpegs gifs with hard "g" Moving items to and fro does it look better here? before positioning it back where it was the first time. Some poems on scraps of paper from years back others electronic muses presided by iPad angels First draft, second draft, third still not exactly perfect tweak things here and there until it all comes together. Until it all becomes one nights spent piecing together this that and the next for others to read and enjoy.

An air of anticipation resignation the feeling of uncertainty apathy awaiting the inevitable. What to read what to believe so easy to disregard the noise and just seek peace. Which is the truth and which is the lie? The conflicting tales muddy the waters and nothing is clear. Easy to judge in the comfort of safety the ones who are there experiencing every moment might disagree with that thinking. Will events spur you to action? Or will you stand there indecisive until it is far too late to make a difference?

Bone deep exhaustion One foot in front of the other Day to to day life scheduling the days blend together handwritten notes reminding me of obligations. The never ending pile of laundry the never ending ringing of the phone. Chatter of computer keys brightness of the screen Reading documents until my eyes cross One of these days I'll take that vacation lounge on that beach with a drink in hand and listen to the waves in silence.

Step through the gates into a different world. Knights in full armor charging on their noble steeds Pirates of all stripes eye patches and parrots hook hands and peg legs The pious monks in brown habits the ladies under delicate parasols trailing velvet dress trains in the dirt The occasional satyr and faun and the glittering fairy wings Hold a massive turkey leg in one hand and tankard of grog in the other. The fire eater takes the stage and the minstrels wander around with lutes and harps and violins in hand. Tarot readers and fortunetellers tea houses and coffee places or even champagne and mimosas. Crafters and their wares Haunted castles and plague doctors Lords and Ladies, knaves and rogues all are welcome from dawn till dusk.

A new transition from mother to elder but a young woman still lives within my breast. There's so still so much I want to see and do! Where did the time go? How much of it wasted? The young ones need me safety and stability in a world that is so uncertain. No one else knows the path I have trod but that road is not yet closed. Don't need to be bound by the old traditions Share the knowledge you have and accumulate more. No need to be resigned and wait for death when there is more to accomplish.

Tsundoku: acquiring reading materials but letting them pile up without reading them Life rushes past cairns piled all over the place haphazardly stacked about to fall over I could open my own bookstore with what I've acquired Shelves overflowing with tomes great and small fantasy tales languages history philosophy only some of them dogeared and some of them still new A few just appeared, I swear I don't remember buying them but they are here. Silent voices pleading for my hands to pick them up and for their voices to be heard. As days gone by they become silent testaments to a chaotic existence.

The Elixir of Life brings clarity focus productivity serenity It comes in many forms solid to cool the brow liquid to quench the thirst gas to unclog a stuffy head quite versatile. A natural part of the world Up in the clouds stretching from the horizon blanketing the ground in white. A force of nature not to be reckoned with sweeping all in its path fickle and unpredictable benevolent yet raging. Sailors respect it Gardeners welcome it Fish depend on it necessary for existence yet so underestimated.